Sunday, August 2, 2009

My Class Sem 1, 09/10

Most teachers including me would be overjoyed facing the same students in the new semester. This is because we think that these students would need no more of your complains in the classroom as they HAVE BEEN in your class.

Nevertheless, it didn't seem to be true at all. This semester I have a Writing Class. These people happen to be 1/2 of my Reading students 2 semesters before. Among these people, there were 4 of them who have never failed in spoiling my mood just by looking at their faces. I know this is harsh, but it is the truth. The moment I realized that these frustrating faces will be meeting me 4 hours a week for 14 weary weeks, I am depressed n tortured. My mood, my motivation, my passion and even my soul is dry dead. Having said all that I still have to face them. As always, they are late to class, as always they are annoying, making me annoyed and defensive, so I annoyed and intimidated them back. I know it's wrong, but I just couldn't help it..I DON'T LIKE THEM!

I am seriously mad in this matter. I fail to control myself. When I thought having them AGAIN is the worse thing that I could imagine, there are more ... on top of that 4, I have a group of extremely quiet and dead girls in my class. U can stand in front of the class, clowning urself, making fool of urself, there they sit quietly, expression-less, emotion-less, reaction-less .... You can ask ten of thousand of things, all they do is look at you and blink!

I am definitely tortured. I approached them using different approaches, not working ... I screamed in the class, the silence becomes more unbearable...I decide not to give much..let them find on their own...some did and most didn't. Am annoyed , again ...

As days pass, I become more or less accustomed to it...they keep quiet, i keep quiet...i just keep on talking (hardly teaching) to the walls if I need to ... whether they listen, whether they understand, whether they learn anything is none of my business.

Come the assessment on writing, my stress and pressure double each time I read the essays. I don't know what they have learnt, were there at least a thing that shows that they are actually in their 3rd semester of English already??

Seriously, am tired .. am knackered .. am worn out .. am depressed .. am stressed .. therefore, since today, I would just say 1 thing to them : what ever will be will be ... I won't teach, unless u ask, I won't care unless u care ... after all, it's not me who is sitting for the exam, it's not me who is still having a bleak future, it's them ... no point telling them things they don't see. They just need to learn from a harsher teacher ... the EXPERIENCE ... to all the students : GOOD LUCK!